k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
