I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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