Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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