So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
