he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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