she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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