Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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