i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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