Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
