I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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