Can Purell be used as lube?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
