Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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