I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
