The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
