Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
