So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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