Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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