thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
should my penis look like a turkey
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
