Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
