I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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