so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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