jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
