Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
