once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
