that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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