Your dad touched me again.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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