this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
