I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
