I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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