FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
