he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
