Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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