please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
