Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
