I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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