i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
