i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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