i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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