Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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