If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
