Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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