The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
