I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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