We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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