woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
