dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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