Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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