I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
