its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
