i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
