I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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