You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
