Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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